There are many moments in my life I am embarrassed of- if they were to play on a big screen for all to see I would melt into a puddle and slowly seep into the ground.
(…… Oh…And started a blog of course 🙂 )
The transitions that took place were many. I am not the same person I was five years ago and the process of becoming who I am right now was just that a process.
It wasn’t very pretty or glamorous most of the time. There is a reason God puts butterflies in cacoons. Or seeds underground. I’m sure it’s not a pretty process to watch.
Neither is mine. But someday I know we will all watch it on the big screen. Everything. Every moment.
It makes me think that if I want to get into heaven, I have to be able to watch that screen. All of it. Every moment. And forgive myself. For all of it. For every moment. I see the ultimate review of your life as something you are going to have to suffer through first, in order that you are humble enough to enter. The pain is liken to watching a video of yourself or listening to your own voicemail. Anyone hate this as much as I do?
This,I think, is humility. Knowing who you are. Allowing yourself to be you and all your flaws. And most importantly thanking God and accepting all He gave you – or didn’t give you. Everything. Every moment. Without making excuses or cringing.
Furthermore it’s being able to see yourself but not worry so much. To be able to pass a mirror without fittling with your hair or tugging at your clothes metaphorically speaking (and maybe physically too – I have such a bad habit of this). If you stop worrying about yourself you can be better focused and hear the voice of whom you should be concerned about. His voice is the only one that matters and the only one that is trust worthy.
Humility is trusting that God is in control and handing it over to him and getting out of the way. Working hard, loving much, and putting it in perspective.
It is also being strong enough to let yourself melt without seeping into the ground or cringing. This strength – to be strong yet a melted puddle at the same time- can only come from relying constantly on God. Allowing Him to be our strength and not rely on ourselves for anything.
This last part I’ve just experienced recently around my 2:00 a.m. feedings. Followed by my older one waking up in the middle of the night with a bad dream followed by an early morning wake up call.
“Lord, I can’t get out of bed. Help me.” He always does. Rely on Him for EVERYTHING, beg for humility, and he gives rest – even to this very tired mother 🙂